Last summer, I had sitters and camps all lined up so that I could work, and then each sitter fell through, and yes, my kids refused to go to camp.

I was pissed! And then I settled into how amazing it is that I have a choice to slow down if that is what my family and my own sanity need. And so, I had a blast. Yes, the kids watched more movies than they did all year long (in my attempt to hear less fighting and do a little paper work), but we had fun.

Beginning the planning for this summer, I was shooting for another working summer for me (with the glorious month of August off- life is tough, I know!), and then I tuned in to ME (the big me, the Soul me). It turns out she wants to slow down. Ugh! Really? Slow down? But the company needs me, the kids can be plopped into camps, and I got LOTS of projects in the works… slow down?… do I have to? (wining here- yeah, you know the sound)

So, I compromised with my soul (no, it’s not like a pact with the devil or anything!) I have figured out a way to slow down, get writing time, work time, and still spend tons of time with the kids. Ok, that sounds so busy, I’m scaring myself here. Yes, all this figuring out was happening in my head only- in an attempt to hold on the the reigns of my life. Who is this SOUL lady think she is anyway!

But then there is the moment to moment living. THAT is what my soul is asking more of… listen to the moment it whispers (yes, I hear voices, put me in the nut house- that ought to slow ya down.)

My own internal guidance system wants to savor summer and being present without being pushed. (Yes, I’m pushy, even with myself, just ask the photographers that work with us!)

I’m not a Bible quoter- rehabbed from my boarding school days actually, but this seems so appropriate…

Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God
–

In the stillness and quiet of the moment, answers come, or more importantly, we can allow to see the Divine within. The idea of stillness and quiet seem so foreign to most of us as parents, but the truth is that just by BEING with the children,  pockets of quiet & stillness bring the most unexpected gifts. Notice  those pockets.

No matter what kind of summer you have with them. My life is just one way, you have yours, just stop & pay attention to those unforgettable little moments that make you feel alive and connected.

Hugs,

Asha

When your Momma calls after giving you the space you needed to grow, you answer. Or at least I did. You can call it crazy talk, but I heard her. Loud and clear. She took the chance as I burried my iPhone into silence for 5 days, and She instructed me. I’m not kidding you. After two days of writing like a mad woman, I got the instructions.

I wasn’t sure I’d last in silence for 5 days. In fact, I wasn’t even sure I’d come out of there sane at all. Well, the jury is still out on that one, but one thing is true, I heard Divine Mother, especially as I offered my Yes to do her work. What was surprising was how much I enjoyed silence. I ended up staying at a hotel, and I was so relieved not to have to talk to anyone; I would just pass my little note saying “I’m in silence. Can I have 2 eggs over easy, hash browns, no bread, no meat, OJ… to go.  Thank you. ” Delicious. I loved silence and silence loved me.

Coming home was not easy, my friends. Not easy at all. My ears could not believe how much noise one man and two small children make, or how fast emails pile after 5 days, or the overwhelm of phone calls to return, and most importantly how confusing it is to integrate the experience and bring it to my life.

Well, it’s now been 5 days, and I am settled. I’m not in bliss every moment, but I am firm in the knowing that it is all in how I react to the life I have. So, I’m chanting a little bit, to bring my mind to a place of peace. Not surprisingly, big changes are in motion- some by me, some by members in my family, and some by my big Momma within.

I’d like to offer this gift of silence to other women. And so part of saying this Yes is bringing my Coaching and Spiritual Midwifery dormant selves to the surface again. It’s like riding a bicycle, I’m sure,  especially since I really have not stopped providing this service, I just call it being a friend these days.

Hugs,

Asha

We just came back from a cruise from Bermuda, and though I did not expect it (especially after I saw all the hoohas drinking- ok, sorry, that was pure judgment, I meant to say, all the people enjoying/ escaping through alcohol ) I met the most wondrous woman. Why was she wondrous? She had 8 children, 4 of her own and 4 foster children she adopted. And honestly, she looked like she was enjoying every minute of servitude required.

Then by contrast, I related to the pretty, Iranian queen who avoided any contact with her children, and the husband was left to do all the heavy lifting, picking up, fetching food, and to top it off making sure she was happy. Ok, so I’m somewhere in between these two ladies.

I’ve been quiet since I got home. After everything I experience (especially vacations that take me out of my comfort zone) I need time to integrate and synthesize what just happened. So, what happened? I’m grateful for the couple who took us with them to photograph their wedding, the kids got a REAL vacation (as opposed to being dragged through another third world country and asked to eat food they hate and use purrell every 5 seconds), and I got to meet the mother of eight.

I woke up this morning with all these thoughts of people I met along the way and realized coming back to my life is a bit frustrating. Frustrating because I want to do so much- I want to be a good mom, have a loving marriage, a thriving business, and continue to write and finally publish the books I have been working on for a few years now. Yes, I have the “I want it all” syndrome.

Some would say that I just need to chill and do what I can, and that having it all is a myth. And as I remind myself of how the veil of reality lifts and the higher dimensions become more accessible to us, I wonder if as a collective having it all is more than a possibility but a reality…

I once heard someone say that we can have it all but just not at once. I wonder. Not in a “yeah, they are so wrong”, but in a “I wonder” kind of way.

Wonder.

She called me apologizing for not being there for me, and not living up to her role as “room parent”. She talked about how she had ambitions in September and after 9 months realizes that she over extended herself. I like her, and I know she has a full life. She works, is a dedicated mom, she is a room parent (to two rooms, mind you), her husband travels, and she’s a good friend.

No need to apologize friend. You are doing the best you can. Don’t compare yourself to me… I may look in your eyes as having it together, but I feel the same way. We all see the world and others through our filters.

We are all doing the best that we can. Don’t let this low moment stop you from your big heart. You volunteered not because you thought you were going to change the world, but because you wanted to help. Pat yourself on the back for caring.

And to all those women (me included in the mix), don’t beat yourself up. You are doing the best that you can.

Say Yes to what feels yummy, and no when it doesn’t. Pick good friends who will understand.

Hugs,

Asha

Phew! Things slowed down a bit after my last post. It was interesting to notice the violence of the emotions and how what I am noticing now after almost a month is way more subtle.

It is really quite a process to SIT with every emotion that comes up. I discovered many habits, life long habits, that honestly, don’t work for me anymore. No judgment about why they exist or why I have not “fixed” this before. Just noticing.

In learning to do this for myself, I invited my 7 year old to do the same one quiet Sunday afternoon. It was quite beautiful to see her authenticity, mine, and to notice that neither wanted to escape. A moment to be treasured.

My eyes are clear to see, and my heart is making space for the waves of me to come through.

The world shifts every moment one of us decides to be authentic.

I recently went to see a Wolf reserve, Wolf Hollow, and I asked the attendant what characteristics wolves had that reminded him of humans.

He said he loved that he could look in their eyes and know what they are feeling. But the one difference, wolves don’t lie about how they feel.

Then again, maybe we are wolves...

Hugs,

Asha

I signed up for a Silent Retreat – seems as though the woman who organized this received her training in India and incorporated some western and her own flavor of a process she learned there. It’s about opening up to Divine Grace and being a clear channel, while experiencing and being present to our human experience without attaching to it too much. This is what I think it’s going to be about, but we’ll see.

As homework to prepare, we were asked to 1. Be present to our emotions, and 2. begin to incorporate some silent time into our lives (is this a joke? and do these people know what it’s like to be in a home w/ two sometimes fighting, sometimes screaming, sometimes laughing super loud, little girls? clearly not, but I’ll play along.)

I am super committed to the process, so I wanted to share what I wrote after Day 1…

Day 1: Train Wreck

Yeah, not so good. Let’s just say that after a 40 minute commute from  Vision Therapy for my daughter and making dinner, getting a cup thrown at me was not my idea of preparing for my yummy retreat in May. My homework: to feel the feelings.

Well, I got too in touch with  the feeling (and I think my daughter thought she was also part of this retreat because she was right there to meet me with her intense feelings). So the feeling, my daughter and I ended up at the Buddhist Meditation Center to calm down. Last night was a total train wreck. I gotta stop being such a good student.

Not sure if I can handle this ride. But, the retreat leader, the lovely Erica Rock assures me that “You are much stronger than you realize”. I’ll take your word for it!

So, anyway, I am getting off the Accela super fast train and taking one of those slow trains (like the ones in India that are always timely, but stop every 20 minutes).

Take it slow tiger, it’s only day 1.

Innocence is taken from us every day. To think of the heinous crimes that children and families experience in this world is not a mental or emotional place I like to hang out in, at all. Ask my husband, after many being a Boston Photographer for all the local newspapers, I had to ask him to turn off the news radio stations and talk about local horrors was prohibited in my home. He left that world, or at least for most of the time.

We still document stories in impoverished areas of the world, and because we do it with NGOs and other non profit groups, we feel that the stories we tell do make a difference for awareness.

Today, I am guided to talk about a different kind of awareness…. how we steal innocence.

I have led a very, very charmed life. I always joke that I must have a legions of angels, especially in my twenties. But, I won’t bore you with my typical days looking for love and a place to belong. The truth is NOTHING bad every happened to me. Ever. I always made it home safe and sound, and no one ever took advantage of me, until last week.

I felt so violated. Disgusted. And honestly, my 4 year old was in the car, so I could not react. I couldn’t believe this man said this to me, and did he know my daughter was in the car? He even had a pretty pink Britax car seat on the back of his car. Yet, he chose to look at me in the eyes, tell me how pretty I was, and then ended with an inappropriate remark of what he was going to do with the image of my face.

Half of my brain got half of his license plate, and the other half was in utter shock. Violated. Shocked. And then combine this with trying to explain to my little one who was asking, “What did he say??”

Innocence was stolen. I’ve been thinking about how in different ways, we do this to each other, to our children. Every time we exert power over anyone, we take from their innocence and trust in humanity and God. Every time we broke up with someone in an unjust way, innocence is stolen. Every time we blow someone off, innocence is stolen. Every time we lie, innocence is stolen.

Many of you know that I am an optimist, I believe in the unseen, and I believe in the power of human-kind to raise above lower vibrations. I choose to reclaim my innocence, and I choose to have compassion for that man. He was trying to make himself happy at the expense of innocence. What did Jesus say, “forgive them for they know not what they do”. He doesn’t know.  I don’t condone it, and I don’t ever want to see him again! And I have a choice. I have two little girls who I protect every day.

I can go into fear and forbid everything at the park, or I can call upon my care-free ways and still teach them to use their intuition. Maybe mine failed me for a split second as I rolled down my window to see what this man wanted to say to me, but this is not permanent. It was one moment. I choose to teach my children discernment, yes, but to always expect the very best of humanity. I know I don’t want to live a guarded life. My heart is open and to have a guarded life would just feel like I am half living. I don’t want to teach that.

I’m sure this is not easy for many to read. I am totally sensitive to that. I know I have not suffered as some have. I completely honor that.

I am not writing this from a place of having any entitlement in the subject but only because I want my daughters to live a full life, and to encourage their innocence to continue to live, maybe even in grander ways than I have.

Innocence is reclaimed. Sigh.