Phew! Things slowed down a bit after my last post. It was interesting to notice the violence of the emotions and how what I am noticing now after almost a month is way more subtle.

It is really quite a process to SIT with every emotion that comes up. I discovered many habits, life long habits, that honestly, don’t work for me anymore. No judgment about why they exist or why I have not “fixed” this before. Just noticing.

In learning to do this for myself, I invited my 7 year old to do the same one quiet Sunday afternoon. It was quite beautiful to see her authenticity, mine, and to notice that neither wanted to escape. A moment to be treasured.

My eyes are clear to see, and my heart is making space for the waves of me to come through.

The world shifts every moment one of us decides to be authentic.

I recently went to see a Wolf reserve, Wolf Hollow, and I asked the attendant what characteristics wolves had that reminded him of humans.

He said he loved that he could look in their eyes and know what they are feeling. But the one difference, wolves don’t lie about how they feel.

Then again, maybe we are wolves...

Hugs,

Asha

I signed up for a Silent Retreat – seems as though the woman who organized this received her training in India and incorporated some western and her own flavor of a process she learned there. It’s about opening up to Divine Grace and being a clear channel, while experiencing and being present to our human experience without attaching to it too much. This is what I think it’s going to be about, but we’ll see.

As homework to prepare, we were asked to 1. Be present to our emotions, and 2. begin to incorporate some silent time into our lives (is this a joke? and do these people know what it’s like to be in a home w/ two sometimes fighting, sometimes screaming, sometimes laughing super loud, little girls? clearly not, but I’ll play along.)

I am super committed to the process, so I wanted to share what I wrote after Day 1…

Day 1: Train Wreck

Yeah, not so good. Let’s just say that after a 40 minute commute from  Vision Therapy for my daughter and making dinner, getting a cup thrown at me was not my idea of preparing for my yummy retreat in May. My homework: to feel the feelings.

Well, I got too in touch with  the feeling (and I think my daughter thought she was also part of this retreat because she was right there to meet me with her intense feelings). So the feeling, my daughter and I ended up at the Buddhist Meditation Center to calm down. Last night was a total train wreck. I gotta stop being such a good student.

Not sure if I can handle this ride. But, the retreat leader, the lovely Erica Rock assures me that “You are much stronger than you realize”. I’ll take your word for it!

So, anyway, I am getting off the Accela super fast train and taking one of those slow trains (like the ones in India that are always timely, but stop every 20 minutes).

Take it slow tiger, it’s only day 1.